ToryScum.com

It’s not just cricket

April 10th, 2005

A gentlemanly cricket ball

A group of self-styled ‘anarchitects’ plan to end parliamentary sleaze - by challenging MPs to to a gentlemanly game of cricket.

The match is scheduled for 2pm on 1 May in Parliament Square, opposite the House of Commons.

The Space Hijackers’ invitation reads:

[We] hereby challenge you and your fellow Members of Parliament to a game of cricket. We challenge you to show us that your morals and behaviour are fit to govern this country…

…A decline of our challenge will be seen by us and the entire British Public as acceptance that you are the morally and honourably corrupt government that we suspect. We shall see you at the pitch.

It was delivered to over 600 Labour, Conservative and Liberal Democrat MPs at the House Of Commons on 4 April.

Observers are invited to bring tea, cucumber sarnies, Pimms, picnics, moral fibre and good sportsmanship.

We hope to see you there.

Posted in Offline | No Comments »

Subvertising: Do It Yourself

April 9th, 2005

Paint brush

Fancy rewriting those pesky Conservative campaign posters? It’s easy*…

Choose a slogan - you’ll find ideas here
Print it out - use 450pt Tahoma (bold capitals) for footer text, experiment to match body text
Stick it up - wallpaper paste will hold, add PVA glue to waterproof

For tips ‘n’ tricks from the pros, try Smashing the Image Factory, a manual of billboard subversion.

*It’s also illegal, kids, so don’t do it without Michael Howard’s express permission. We can’t be held responsible if you end up going down for a ten stretch. But do keep the photos coming of other people’s handiwork.

UPDATE: Readers of a nervous disposition may prefer the virtual Conservative poster generator.

Posted in Subverts | 4 Comments »

Celebra-tories: Paul Daniels

April 9th, 2005

Paul Daniels polaroids

You’ll like him - but not a lot.

Paul Daniels“>Paul Daniels threatened a final disappearing act if Labour won the ‘97 election.

The pint-sized magician said he’d consider taking his cash to Barbados to avoid a Blair government.

Sadly, his word was as bad as his toupe.

Despite a one-way ticket and removal van c/o The People, he declined to leave on election day.

He later claimed his remark had been taken out of context.

Posted in Celebra-tories | 5 Comments »

Taking it to the streets (part 2)

April 9th, 2005

More defaced Tory billboard ads for your delight. Keep the photos coming to toryscum@gmail.com and keep up the good work.

Manchester

Longsight, Manchester

Picton Road, Liverpool

Pontllanfraith, South Wales

Bristol

Nottingham

Posted in Subverts | 49 Comments »

Celebra-tories: Jim Davidson

April 7th, 2005

Jim Davidson polaroid

Jim Davidson is the classic celebra-tory.

Like many, he threatened to leave Britain in 1997 if Labour won the election.

He finally emigrated to Dubai in 2004, telling Des O’Conner…

“I could change my religion to Muslim and have four wives. Mind you I’d have four mothers-in-law if I did that.”

See what he did there? We can’t help but wonder how he feels about living with, ahem, Johnny Foreigner, but there you go.

Bewilderingly, he was made an OBE for his charity work in 2000.

Two years later he addressed the Conservative Party conference on defence policy, explaining:

“I don’t yet know exactly what I’m going to say, but I reckon it will be controversial stuff.”

Just like Sinderella, we presume. He was clearly the right man for the job - after all, he’d donated £5,000 to Iain Duncan-Smith’s leadership campaign.

Davidson is notably absent from the current Tory campaign, suggesting that their PR people have seen sense.

Posted in Celebra-tories | 7 Comments »