ToryScum.com

Top Tories on drugs? Whatever next.

With the Tory leadership race in full swing, we felt obliged to come out of retirement.

In honour of David Cameron, we offer this roll-up-and-keep commerative banknote.

Cameron once called himself the “Coke candidate”, meaning he was “the real thing”. At least that’s what we assumed he meant.

Incidentally, we suspect the cocaine claims are an elaborate ruse to persuade the kids that Class A’s aren’t cool.

Channel 4’s coverage takes a surreal turn with their spoof political broadcasts.

They commissioned films for the three main parties from Lee Ford and Dan Brooks, the duo responsible for the controversial ’suicide bomber’ spoof VW Polo ad.

Ford said:

“We set about creating the kind of broadcasts the three main parties would like to make if there were no regulations and they didn’t have to be politically correct.”

See all three at Channel4.com.

A quick round-up…

• Are you thinking what we’re thinking? a point-by-point rebuttal
• RememberRedwood.com is a Labour fansite for John Redwood, former Secretary of State for Wales. It features the notorious video clip of him fluffing the words to the Welsh national anthem
• WestminsterVillage.co.uk’s Tory policy generator will knock out a whole Conservative press release, complete with top five pledges

Ever wondered how Conservative Party policy is decided?

There’s no need for costly focus groups, polling ‘experts’ or ad men.

Simply use our Policy Maker.

Reminder: The Sleazy Lover picture competition is still open.

Had it with the ballot box?

NotApathetic.com offers the chance to tell the world why you won’t be voting in the general election.

It’s the work of MySociety, who are responsible for a string of community-minded sites, including PledgeBank and FaxYourMP.com.

UPDATE: New downloads have been added, including this rather fetching banner ad…

We hate Jeffrey Archer more than most Conservatives.

His lies and deceits have been comprehensively documented by the courts and media.

Last year the disgraced peer ran the London Marathon for charity.

Cash was solicited at jeffreyarcher.co.uk, a site carrying the name of Jeffrey Archer Limited:

Jeffrey Archer Limited has never been registered as a company in Britain, as revealed by a search at Companies House.

Archer’s site goes on to say:

“As soon as all pledges have been collected, I will announce the sum raised for these tremendous causes.”

Nearly 12 months after the marathon, the site carries no such announcement.

We’d love to hear explanations for these two facts.

Looks like we’re not alone in viewing the phallus Palace of Westminster as a haven for bell ends.

The good people at General Erection are running their own poll, nominating the most lubricious legislator of the three party leaders. Needless to say, it’s not safe for work.

With Paddy the shagmagnet demobbed, Bambi will probably stroll it unless Tory Central Office spams Gaydar.com. Stranger things have happened.

Tory candidate Ed Matts has been caught using Photoshop to bring old publicity snaps on message.

The original shot shows Matts and Tory heartbreaker Ann Widdecombe protesting for - wait for it - an immigrant family to be allowed to stay in Britain.

Weeks later the same photo has popped up minus the family and plus handy on message slogans.

A Conservative spokesman tried to justify the deception:

“Ed Matts excluded the family who appeared in the original photo by creating a new image in order to protect them from media attention.”

Update: Create your own shabby identikit image here.

Pathetic with a paint can? Help is at hand for those unwilling to deface Tory billboards.

Stuart Langridge has made it easy to make your own Conservative campaign ads online.

Simply enter your slogan, and the site will generate a picture perfect replica ready for download.

Do e-mail us your work.

We also enjoyed this thread about everybody’s favourite Conservative poster campaign.

See also: Make your own Conservative poster.

Peter Snow is as much a part of British general elections as Tory tax lies.

He presents the BBC’s Election Alerts service, bringing breaking news to your desktop 24/7.

Our favourite feature tells you results for your constituency on election night.

See also: Snowmail

Update: The Guardian have also launched their Election 2005 Blog.