The branded baseball boots are inspired by Converse’s Chuck Taylor Allstars – and even feature Michael Howard’s signature.

The desperate idea of true blue trainers was proposed by two members of Conservative Future, the party’s youth wing – formerly the notorious Young Conservatives.

But we were shocked to hear that the campaign has the full backing of party co-chairman and ad agency supremo Maurice Saatchi.

ToryScum.com has received exclusive images from Michael Howard’s party briefing yesterday. We expect to receive further details later today.

Bile and spleen will cover your screen as the election’s called, but there are few more persuasive polemics than Seumas Milne’s The Enemy Within, a post-mortem of our darkest hour.

Army called in to suppress strikes? Check. Secondary picketing outlawed? Ditto. Security services misused to undermine democracy? Been there, outsourced the t-shirt.

Still, at least it could never happen now.

*slaps own head*