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Michael Howard’s missus gets a two page spread in today’s News of the Screws.

Former Vogue model Sandra tells all about how the old codger wooed her.

We hear how most of the action took place on the purple bed sheets of his Chelsea bachelor pad (cf. William Hague’s 14 pints a day boast.)

It’s a transparent piece of myth-making.

Among the clumsy attempts to humanise him, we learn:

“He loves soppy films like Sleepless in Seattle, which he cried at.”

Shucks – that takes the edge of his iffy immigration policy, then.

Compare the quotes with her November 2004 interview in The Lady magazine:

“Yes, he’s very romantic, which is why I get frustrated that his image in the press isn’t at all like the man I know. He’s also quite sentimental and loves films like Sleepless in Seattle.”

Read more of of Sandra Howard’s heartfelt wisdom at her Conservatives.com campaign blog.

Phil Collins is threatening to come back to Blighty if the Conservatives win the election.

The tax exile – worth a staggering £130m – said he’d leave Britain for Switzerland if Labour won the 1997 General Election.

Against all odds, he stuck to his guns.

We’re certain he needs all that dosh for something – possibly gifts for the homeless kids he sang about in Another Day in Paradise.

Noel Gallagher was first to speak out:

“Vote Labour. If you don’t and the Tories get in, Phil is threatening to come back from Switzerland and live here – and none of us want that.”

Perma-tanned poser Peter Stringfellow hosted a Conservative fundraising gala on Sunday night.

For the 25th anniversary of Stringfellows, the entrance to London’s premier trumped-up brothel gentleman’s club sported Michael Howard’s smug mug in place of the usual legs akimbo lady.

Margaret Thatcher turned up, but failed to enjoy any table-dancing action.

We understand that visitors were asked to buy two £25 raffle tickets on the threat of…

“Two days cruising around the Balerics [sic] for four people on Peter Stringfellow’s 50ft Sunseeker Yacht, skippered by Peter Stringfellow and his girlfriend Bella.”

Second prize was three days, third prize forever (cheap gag shamelessly stolen from Twistblog).

You’ll like him – but not a lot.

Paul Daniels“>Paul Daniels threatened a final disappearing act if Labour won the ’97 election.

The pint-sized magician said he’d consider taking his cash to Barbados to avoid a Blair government.

Sadly, his word was as bad as his toupe.

Despite a one-way ticket and removal van c/o The People, he declined to leave on election day.

He later claimed his remark had been taken out of context.

Jim Davidson is the classic celebra-tory.

Like many, he threatened to leave Britain in 1997 if Labour won the election.

He finally emigrated to Dubai in 2004, telling Des O’Conner…

“I could change my religion to Muslim and have four wives. Mind you I’d have four mothers-in-law if I did that.”

See what he did there? We can’t help but wonder how he feels about living with, ahem, Johnny Foreigner, but there you go.

Bewilderingly, he was made an OBE for his charity work in 2000.

Two years later he addressed the Conservative Party conference on defence policy, explaining:

“I don’t yet know exactly what I’m going to say, but I reckon it will be controversial stuff.”

Just like Sinderella, we presume. He was clearly the right man for the job – after all, he’d donated £5,000 to Iain Duncan-Smith’s leadership campaign.

Davidson is notably absent from the current Tory campaign, suggesting that their PR people have seen sense.

Busted star Charlie Simpson (now fronting Fightstar) came clean about his true blue politics in October 2004.

He told Tatler, the rich man’s Hello! magazine:

“I don’t really like politics but I’ve always grown up with their view – the Tories’ way of doing things. I just prefer it,”

Busted bandmate Matt Jay added:

“From the financial position I am in now, I am a fucking Tory boy too.”

The band went on to invite Michael Howard to appear in a video; Simpson said:

“He owes us one, really, and we like the idea of doing our bit for the voting youth.”

Howard bottled it. Busted did their bit for the voting youth by splitting weeks later.

Pop star paedophile Jonathan King was released on parole today – and guess who he’ll be backing in the general election?

A lengthy profile in The Observer reveals that the self-styled King of Hits had three prison pin-ups: Will Smith, Sam Fox and Margaret Thatcher.

King famously persuaded Thatcher to sing How Much Is That Doggy In The Window? at the 1990 Brit Awards.

After spending 3.5 years banged up at Her Majesty’s pleasure, we had expected his political views to have softened somewhat.