ToryScum.com

Perma-tanned poser Peter Stringfellow hosted a Conservative fundraising gala on Sunday night.

For the 25th anniversary of Stringfellows, the entrance to London’s premier trumped-up brothel gentleman’s club sported Michael Howard’s smug mug in place of the usual legs akimbo lady.

Margaret Thatcher turned up, but failed to enjoy any table-dancing action.

We understand that visitors were asked to buy two £25 raffle tickets on the threat of…

“Two days cruising around the Balerics [sic] for four people on Peter Stringfellow’s 50ft Sunseeker Yacht, skippered by Peter Stringfellow and his girlfriend Bella.”

Second prize was three days, third prize forever (cheap gag shamelessly stolen from Twistblog).

You’ll like him - but not a lot.

Paul Daniels“>Paul Daniels threatened a final disappearing act if Labour won the ‘97 election.

The pint-sized magician said he’d consider taking his cash to Barbados to avoid a Blair government.

Sadly, his word was as bad as his toupe.

Despite a one-way ticket and removal van c/o The People, he declined to leave on election day.

He later claimed his remark had been taken out of context.

Jim Davidson is the classic celebra-tory.

Like many, he threatened to leave Britain in 1997 if Labour won the election.

He finally emigrated to Dubai in 2004, telling Des O’Conner…

“I could change my religion to Muslim and have four wives. Mind you I’d have four mothers-in-law if I did that.”

See what he did there? We can’t help but wonder how he feels about living with, ahem, Johnny Foreigner, but there you go.

Bewilderingly, he was made an OBE for his charity work in 2000.

Two years later he addressed the Conservative Party conference on defence policy, explaining:

“I don’t yet know exactly what I’m going to say, but I reckon it will be controversial stuff.”

Just like Sinderella, we presume. He was clearly the right man for the job - after all, he’d donated £5,000 to Iain Duncan-Smith’s leadership campaign.

Davidson is notably absent from the current Tory campaign, suggesting that their PR people have seen sense.