ToryScum.com

Do send us a photo if you see it (thanks Joff).

Wake the town, tell the people: we have Tory-baiting t-shirts to give away to two lucky winners - chosen by secret ballot - thanks to Tshirts365.com.

The t-shirts certainly have something of the night about them, featuring an evil Thatcher/Howard hybrid.

To win, try your hand at our Sleazy Lover picture quiz.

Simply match the Tory MP with the sex scandal to be in with a chance.

Update: The competition is now closed.

Conservative candidate Rob Wilson looks miffed in Friday’s Reading Evening Post.

Is it his iffy tweed suit? His party’s questionable policies on immigration?

Sadly, no. Instead, someone has added the strapline “Are you smoking what we’re smoking?” to his pride-and-joy poster.

Thanks to Lawrie for the scan.

The Guardian Diary brings news of more creative copywriting.

Wags in Tottenham have added Jeffrey Archer and Jonathan Aitken’s signatures to the poster asking “How would you feel if a bloke on day release attached your daughter?”.

Elsewhere in London N17, the question “How difficult is it to keep a hospital clean?” has been answered: “You should know - you contracted out hospital cleaning.”

Marvellous stuff. In the absence of images, we’ve borrowed Conservative campaign tactics and knocked something up in Photoshop instead.

Update: MetaFilter users cut to the questions that matter:

“Who would vote for a party who can’t even do joined-up writing?”

Phil Collins is threatening to come back to Blighty if the Conservatives win the election.

The tax exile - worth a staggering £130m - said he’d leave Britain for Switzerland if Labour won the 1997 General Election.

Against all odds, he stuck to his guns.

We’re certain he needs all that dosh for something - possibly gifts for the homeless kids he sang about in Another Day in Paradise.

Noel Gallagher was first to speak out:

“Vote Labour. If you don’t and the Tories get in, Phil is threatening to come back from Switzerland and live here - and none of us want that.”

Had it with the ballot box?

NotApathetic.com offers the chance to tell the world why you won’t be voting in the general election.

It’s the work of MySociety, who are responsible for a string of community-minded sites, including PledgeBank and FaxYourMP.com.

UPDATE: New downloads have been added, including this rather fetching banner ad…

Thanks to everyone who’s sent photos of redecorated billboards in. Keep them coming to toryscum@gmail.com.

Tottenham, London (Thanks Paul)

Reading

Wokingham Road, Reading

London Road, Reading

See also: Subverts

We hate Jeffrey Archer more than most Conservatives.

His lies and deceits have been comprehensively documented by the courts and media.

Last year the disgraced peer ran the London Marathon for charity.

Cash was solicited at jeffreyarcher.co.uk, a site carrying the name of Jeffrey Archer Limited:

Jeffrey Archer Limited has never been registered as a company in Britain, as revealed by a search at Companies House.

Archer’s site goes on to say:

“As soon as all pledges have been collected, I will announce the sum raised for these tremendous causes.”

Nearly 12 months after the marathon, the site carries no such announcement.

We’d love to hear explanations for these two facts.

Looks like we’re not alone in viewing the phallus Palace of Westminster as a haven for bell ends.

The good people at General Erection are running their own poll, nominating the most lubricious legislator of the three party leaders. Needless to say, it’s not safe for work.

With Paddy the shagmagnet demobbed, Bambi will probably stroll it unless Tory Central Office spams Gaydar.com. Stranger things have happened.